I feel like a loner at networking events. Help!

Hi Aunty B,

This is a bit of a left-fielder for you. But I wondered what you say when you go to a party?

I am a young entrepreneur running my second business, which now has about 15 staff. I mix with a crowd of people that includes lawyers and investment bankers. Everyone knows what they do when they say they are a lawyer but when I say I am an entrepreneur they either look at me like I am a bit of a wanker or kind of change the subject.

I also find it really hard talking to them as they are discussing the latest renovation or where they are going on holiday while I am stressing about budgets, keeping my staff and the GST bill.

Sometimes Aunty B, I wish there was a planet just for entrepreneurs where I would actually feel like one of the many instead of a freak, because I often find myself not knowing what to talk about, as my head is full of my business that I can’t begin to explain to anyone.

One and lonely,
Adelaide

Dear One and lonely,

The problem is you are a freak. Most people around you are different from you. They do go on vacation, watch Law and Order, renovate, buy property and obsess over their kids. They don’t spend their time negotiating office leases with real estate agents who don’t call them back (sorry but really. Are Sydney real estate agents doing so well they can’t return a bloody phone call when you just want to sign a lease and hand them some money??).

Look one and lonely, most people don’t lie awake at night imagining how awful life would be without their key staff. They don’t feel sick to the pit of their stomach when a major client leaves. They don’t fret on how they are going to borrow a few million dollars from the bank to expand interstate. They don’t lie awake at night with all the stuff you forgot to do that day floating to the surface with red flashing lights attached so that you twitch and sigh with impatience for the day to begin and drive your husband nuts.

And that is because the world is full – too full one may argue – of lawyers and bankers. And there are very few of you. How many other people do you know of who employ 20 staff and want to grow a big business? Let me answer on your behalf. Very few. And that’s the difference.

So what you have to do is this. You must find your own planet. You don’t have to spend long on that planet but the people on the planet must be entrepreneurs. It’s no good if they are running a little business they don’t want to grow. You need friends and mentors who are going for the big time or have got there and are happy to look back. Then you go for long walks with these people or enjoy some great dinners together where you talk entrepreneurship. It is a conversation you can only have with fellow entrepreneurs and it is very satisfying.

And some more advice. When you say you are an entrepreneur it is a bit of a showstopper. I mean, the owner of a little shop doesn’t say I am a small business owner with no aspirations to grow when introduced to you at a party. Tell people what you do before you tell them you are an entrepreneur. That way you will find the conversation goes a lot more smoothly.

Lastly, learn to turn off. You must be able to go into a social situation and not be obsessed with what you do and the conversation in your head. Tell yourself at a party that now is a time to switch off, switch into other people and ask them about their lives, their views and what’s changing. You will then find life a lot less lonely and a lot more stimulating.

Be smart,
Your Aunty B

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