They’re all leaving early on Melbourne Cup day but I have to hold the fort – and I’m the boss. Help!

Dear Aunty B,

I hate Melbourne Cup Day because, as usual, most of my office pisses off at lunchtime, leaving me holding the fort. The same thing happens during school holidays (they have kids, I don’t) and Easter (they are twice-a-year Christians and I am not a hypocrite). I even get left to clean up after the Christmas Party and drag leftover stuff back to the office in a cab, as I am pretty much the only person still vertical!

Last week I spent an entire weekend packing up our office because everyone else cleared off after moving the furniture. So there I was on my birthday wrapping glasses in newspaper and wiping down kitchen shelves. My nose is still running from the dust!

And you know the really sad thing Aunty B? I am the boss!

Not the Office Gofer,
Port Melbourne

Dear Not the Office Gofer,

So you don’t gamble, drink, breed and you are not a hypocritical Christian? How very un-Australian. What do you do in your spare time? Oh. That’s right. You are busy being the office doormat. That is pretty much a full-time task. Heavens knows when you get time to run the place.

Look. I am guessing you are a woman because it is inconceivable that a man would clean up after the office party and wipe down shelves without being paid a fortune to do so.

That means you are suffering from two psychiatric disorders that commonly afflict female bosses. The first is “I can do it better, quicker, faster and cheaper than everyone else” syndrome. This affects all women, be they mothers, bosses, managers, child care workers or streetwalkers. Of course it’s true. But the point is, if you suffer from the syndrome it prevents you rising to another level. You can’t be working on strategy, selling, marketing, developing leadership skills and brown-nosing other industry leaders when you are wiping down shelves!

The other syndrome you suffer from is more sinister. Some women are really weird about power. Take men. Men love a good hierarchy. Give them a promotion and they very quickly adjust to lording it over everyone else and telling them what to do. Even their new reports quickly adjust to kowtowing to the new boss, even if they are best mates and still go to the footy together on Saturdays.

But women? Some women are uncomfortable telling others what to do. They want to be friends with people in the office rather than the leader. They have often been belittled in life – comes with the gender – and they don’t want to inflict that on others. They justify their servitude with the following statement: “I don’t care who does it. It just has to be done.”

But that leads me back to that same point. You only get so much time in life. Every minute counts. Every minute! If you spend a minute cleaning something that is a minute you never get back!

You are obviously a very hard worker. You need to sit down and prioritise! And what do you put on your list? Two people in your office to do some of the low-level things. They have to clear up after meetings (men never take their cups to the kitchen), keep the office clean, come back the morning after the Christmas Party.

You add this to their job descriptions. And if they do any work out of hours, you pay them for it.

Good luck!
Your Aunty B