Venom, fury and bile

Ever held a grudge for a really long time? I know full-grown adults who are still holding grudges from primary school.

What’s it getting them? What’s holding a grudge getting anyone?

• Probably a knot in the pit of their stomach whenever their mind consciously or inadvertently goes to thoughts of that person.
• Bile, fury and venom that builds within them and serves typically to darken that person’s life – not the object of their grudge.

This is life. People will behave in ways you see as irrational. People will behave according to their own codes of conduct – which may not always align with your own. People will upset you. People will even do things which justifiably deserve your anger.

So after some frustration happens, you can continue, indefinitely, to hold a grudge:

• Or you can let the object of your grudge know your feelings (where appropriate) and you can try and resolve it like rational adults.
• Or you can let it go and move on with your life.
• Or you can use that anger as motivational fuel rather than bile fuel! To do this you need to figure out how you can totally nullify the anger you feel by being so grateful for what it has motivated you to do.

This year has been a challenging one for me. There have been a few times where I’ve been pretty furious in the moment – and it’s been a huge learning experience for me. I willingly put myself in situations that I now wouldn’t do again. I’m thankful for those lessons even though they were painful to learn.

In one situation where I felt probably the most let down, I let the anger build for a little while but then I decided I was going to go with option three above. I was going to get myself to a point where I felt thankful for the situation because of what it motivated me to do.

I made a commitment (verbally to someone I knew needed to hear it) that everything the business lesson cost was going to have been recovered within 12 months through smarter choices. We did it within six.

So while when New Year’s Eve kicks around I could be looking back furious at the year, instead, I choose (and it’s definitely a choice) to look back with thanks and excitement at the changes I’ve made and the decisions I won’t make again in the future.

Bye bye grudge. Bye bye bile. Bye bye venom. Bye bye fury. Hello genuine, heartfelt thanks.

Kirsty Dunphey is the youngest ever Australian Telstra Young Business Woman of the Year, author of two books and a passionate entrepreneur who started her first business at age 15 and opened her own real estate agency at 21.